How to make women happy
by dreamseeker09
Summary: James and Lily take a little quiz...with amusing results.


**How to make women happy**

"Ow! What the…" James Potter yelped, as a large black and feathered thing hurtled into his face, splashing tea across the table. "What in the name of Merlin's pointy hat…" he muttered, plucking feathers from his hair. In front of him, the owl hooted angrily, pecking him on the finger. "O.K, O.K! Ow! Stop it! Fine, have the bacon!" he shouted, shielding himself from further attack. The owl simply hooted, sticking out its leg. James warily untied the letter, not daring to do anything else until the owl had nibbled on his breakfast and had taken off again. "Bloody bird," he muttered angrily, slitting open the letter. He pulled out a short note, attached to what looked like a magazine clipping. He read the note first.

_Prong, _

_How are you mate? Is Lily still surviving? I was out last night and I went to the local muggle shop (just for fun, you know?) and I found something which I'm sure you'd be interested in. I'm sure it would be very…beneficial, well, for you at least. _

_Have fun,_

_Padfoot_

James chuckled, wondering what it could possibly be. He knew from experience, if it was Sirius, then it would not be normal. He unfolded the magazine clipping, and read the heading. How to make women happy 

_Try out this quiz and see if you're every girl's dream man. _

James laughed out loud. Whoever had decided on the heading, most probably some crazy journalist by the looks of it, was barking mad. He didn't need some stupid quiz to prove anything. He was _James Potter_. Of course he was every girl's dream man. But then again…It would be amusing to have Lily score him on the quiz, he smirked.

"Oh Lilykins, would you come down here for a minute?" he called up the stairs. He heard her muffled reply a minute later,

"O.K James, I'm coming," she yelled, and a moment later she appeared in the kitchen of the Potter residence. "Yes?" she asked, walking over to him. He grinned,

"You do look lovely today, Mrs. Potter," he commented, and she rolled her eyes.

"James, you tell me that every day. Now, what was it you wanted?" she asked again. At this, James just grinned.

"Well, my dear Lily, you wouldn't be willing to try a little quiz, would you?" he asked, a mischievous twinkle in his eye, "I can promise you it would be very…beneficial,"

"A quiz? What sort of quiz?" she asked, an innocent expression of confusion passing across her face.

"Well, you'll just have to accept and see," he smirked knowingly. She shrugged,

"O.K, fine then, as long as it doesn't take too long. The weird sisters are on the radio in half an hour."

"I'm offended!" he shouted, "Don't you want to spend time with me?" Lily shrugged,

"Not especially. But anyway, if this is a quiz, fire the questions." She said, "Or, as young people say nowadays, bring it on," she added as an afterthought. James laughed but obliged,

"O.K. The quiz is called, 'how to make women happy'," he said, watching closely for a reaction. When she seemed indifferent, he continued. "You have to score me for the different…things, which I will read out. As said in the quiz, I want to see if I'm 'every girl's dream man'." Lily chuckled,

"You're so conceited,"

"Hey! I thought we'd gotten over this whole episode,"

"Just do the quiz,"

"Fine. O.K, the first one is…a man must be generous," James read out loud. "Right Lily, would you say I'm generous? How much would you give me out of ten for this aspect?" he asked. Lily looked thoughtful for a minute,

"Can you have minus numbers?" she finally asked.

"Surely I'm not that bad, right?"

"No comment,"

"Uh…no, you can't have minus numbers."

Lily smirked. "O.K then, I give you a one," James stared at her in disbelief.

"What was the one point for?" he finally asked.

"I remembered that time you sent Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas,"

"Riiiight. Anyway, next statement, 'a man must be brave'." James read. "And before you decide, let me remind you I am in Gryffindor." He added.

"Well…" Lily said, "You are in Gryffindor, so I give you a four!"

"WHAT!" James spluttered, "FOUR? HOW COULD YOU GIVE ME A FOUR? I'm the bravest person I know!" Lily simply laughed.

"Oh yeah, sure," she said through giggles, "I'm sure that time in first year when you ran away screaming and hid in the toilet for an hour after you found out how babies were made shows that!" she laughed. James pouted,

"I was young then," Lily just laughed harder. "That's it. Next statement. 'A man must be totally sexy'." James grinned. "Hah! Bet you can't think of anything against that! Everyone in the world knows how damn sexy I am!" Lily raised an eyebrow.

"O.K, so you're right. But I still only give you a nine." Now James raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry, but, have you seen me?"

"What? The glasses make you look like a dork," James glared at his wife in anger,

"Never. Insult. The. Glasses." He breathed through clenched teeth, before lunging forwards and tickling her. Lily laughed harder than ever, begging him to stop. A few minutes later, he finally obliged, sitting back with a satisfied grin.

"James Potter, you are so despicable sometimes," Lily breathed, massaging her side.

"Hey!" James argued back, "I'm not despicable…" he thought for a moment before adding, "What does despicable mean anyway?"

"Oh god…"

"It's your fault. Don't insult me with long words that I don't understand,"

"Just…oh don't worry. Next statement,"

"You're so impatient,"

"NEXT STATEMENT!"

"Geez, what did I ever do?" James muttered to himself, "O.K, statement number 3. 'A man must be able to cook." He read out. As soon as he read it, Lily began laughing again. "What's so funny?" he asked, bemused. She gasped for air, finally managing to talk through he giggles.

"I can just imagine you wearing an apron and hairnet and everything," she explained.

"Hairnet?"

"Don't worry. It's something muggle dinner ladies wear, don't ask,"

James snorted into his tea. "Dinner ladies and hairnets? Go figure,"

"Well its not like you'd know. You've never successfully cooked anything in your life!"

"Don't you remember-," before he could finish his sentence however, Lily cut him off.

"And no, the time you put frozen milk instead of icing on your failed attempt at a gingerbread man doesn't count."

"But-,"

"And neither does the time you blew up the house trying to fry an egg,"

"Fine,"

"So after all that, I give you zero,"

"Don't you think that a little harsh…?"

"Considering its you, not really,"

"FINE! BE THAT WAY!"

"Stop acting like a girl. And stop being childish,"

"You're MEAN! I'm going on to the next statement. It says…a man must be h…hy. Uh, hwy-geeen. Wait, hi-gen-icky,"

"Hygienic?"

"YES! That's it! You're so clever Lily…"

"Or maybe you're just dumb,"

"I thought you loved me!"

"Well, I do on some level,"

"Yes!"

"James you donkey, now we're completely off the point. Back to the quiz, I give you a two for hygiene."

"Number 1, NEVER call me a donkey. Number 2: I so deserve more than a two. I shave EVERY morning, unlike some people…"

"You are talking about Sirius, right? RIGHT?"

"Uh…well…you see…"

"You know what? I don't want to know," Lily laughed, then added, "And to answer number 2, think back to that time in Hogwarts when you went without having a shower for a MONTH!"

"So?"

Lily banged her head on the wooden table, groaning in frustration. "What was I thinking when I agreed to marry you?"

"How should I-?" However, she cut him off before he could make yet another stupid comment.

"Just do the next statement,"

"Fine. It says…" he scanned the page, "A man must not only be super rich, but intelligent."

"I think we know the answer to that one,"

"We do?"

"Yes, we do. It's you're-an-idiot-so-you-get-1-point-but-only-because-you-inherited-loads-of-money."

"Wow, that was long,"

"Get on with it. Weird sisters are on in ten minutes."

"You're really impatient,"

"Next statement!"

"You know, I'm getting this really weird feeling of déjà vu,"

"Me too,"

"Are you agreeing with me?"

"No,"

"Yeah you are,"

"Whatever. Unless your ears are too full of wax, POO and who knows what, NEXT STATEMENT!"

"O.K, O.K," James hurriedly grabbed the quiz, knowing that whatever anyone said, Lily would always remain the world's most impatient witch. Then again, that was what he liked about her. "Apparently, that was the end of the quiz. At it says…um…add up all your points to work out your final score. O.K then, 1 plus 3 plus 2…"

"You got 17,"

"WOW! How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Work it out. Are you some sort of human calculator or something?"

"Well, you see, it requires something called a brain. Unfortunately, you don't have one,"

"Yeah I do!"

"A chipmunk has more of a brain than you!"

"Well, I know that…

"Ooh look! Someone's been taking clever pills today,"

"You're sarcastic too,"

"I know,"

"Say, going back to the quiz though, what was full marks?"

"60,"

"WHAT?!? I got 17 out of 60??? What is the world coming to?"

"Oh the calamity," Lily smirked, sarcasm dripping into her voice.

"This is not fair!" James pratically screamed, his glasses askew, "I thought I was Mr. Perfect," he added, sounding slightly hurt. Lily simply grinned, having a sudden epiphany. Suddenly, she knew that despite the fact James was an idiot sometimes, she would never ever regret marrying him. He wasn't perfect, but she loved him.

"You're my Mr. Perfect," she said, smiling cheekily. Before he had time to react she leant forward and kissed him softly on the lips. "And you always will be. No matter how many magazine quizzes you fail,"


End file.
